There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
