well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
