i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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