why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
