I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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