barbara walters just said penis...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My bed smells like the plague
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
