I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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