She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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