Sponge bath it is.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
not ubering you a puppy
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
