You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize