hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
