also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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