Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
