I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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