They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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