happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
