Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
