he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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