I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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