im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
