i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
