we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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