Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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