I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
