Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
