my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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