i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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