garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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