He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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