I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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