He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
His hands were made for my vagina.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
