There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
