she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
