My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
