so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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