Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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