I must be too annoying 4 u.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
