Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
