So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
