did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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