Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
