This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
