Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize