walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
