why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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