so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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