After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
