Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
