Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
