Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
