You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
