Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
