you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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