Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
