i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I want a musical about memes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
