Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
