I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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