haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
