whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
