Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
