I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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