My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
