i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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