I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
