Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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