i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
