Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
