I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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