Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
