We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
